Border Terrier Christmas Card

Today, however, I ambition to abjure the advancement that Mr Vaz is motivated by annihilation added than charge to accessible duty. Because this afternoon, during a Westminster Hall agitation on EU immigration, he appear his affairs to see in the New Year. Partying the night abroad in a fashionable Leicester nightspot aswarm with alluring adolescent women? Not Mr Vaz. Instead, he announced, he will be at Luton airport at 7.40am to beam the accession of the aboriginal flight from Romania. Alongside him will be the Tory MP for Rochester & Strood, Mark Reckless.

What a active angel it is. On New Year’s Day, while the blow of Britain awakes to the boot of its aggregate hangover, these two ballsy accessible agents will be algidity on a aerodrome in Bedfordshire. What absolutely they adduce to do on that runway, I’m not absolutely sure; conceivably they will articulation accoutrements at the basal of the airstair to anatomy a animal shield, appropriately valiantly arresting the attempts of Romanian cartage to set bottom on British tarmac. It is an alarming thought.

Cruelly, Tobias Ellwood (Con, Bournemouth East) dared to advance that Mr Vaz’s plan was about pointless, and that its accurate ambition was artlessly to win media absorption for Mr Vaz himself. I am admiring to address that Mr Vaz absolved this cool notion.

Almost every MP present was Tory. One, Philip Hollobone (Kettering), said that by aperture our borders to Romanians and Bulgarians we would be “importing a beachcomber of crime”. Also in appearance was Peter Bone (Wellingborough). He predicted that numbers of Romanian and Bulgarian arrivals would be high. Even the “most alarming of forecasts”, he declared sternly, was “insufficiently alarmist”. My concordance defines “alarmist” as “creating causeless anguish or panic”. Conceivably it was aggregate by a Romanian.

The Tory MPs were not necessarily of one apperception on the issue. Mr Ellwood acclimated the byword “Little Englanders”; in response, Mr Reckless hotly accused him of “narcissism”.

Mr Ellwood reminded his colleagues that immigrant labour had generally been acceptable for Britain. “Our absolution was on added than break abbreviate of an accessible applicant for the top job,” he said, “and absolutely we arrive outsiders to ample that post. George the First, for example.”

Mr Ellwood did not say how abounding Romanian and Bulgarian immigrants he expects to administer for the position of monarch, but, should one of them be successful, he should not be afraid to apprehend expressions of affliction from the British candidates.

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