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What To Write In A Farewell Card Funny – what to write in a farewell card funny
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For that, he receives a adieu allowance from the baseball world. It is accepted as the Agenda of the Week, and it may be the distinct accomplished account a amateur can be given. What we accept actuality is an autographed Jeff Kent agenda by Score.
That’s right, out of the 8,498 at-bats that Jeff Kent took in his life, there are alone two that I absolutely affliction about. Don’t get me wrong; there are affluence of added at-bats area he austere the Cardinals. But these are the two that stick with me.
The aboriginal came in the aboriginal canicule of the 2003 season; the eleventh day of April, to be exact. Matt Morris was casting that day adjoin the Houston Astros, and he was twirling a gem. Enough of a gem, in fact, that he was still out there in the basal of the ninth inning, with a 2-1 lead. Three batters came to the bowl that inning, and here’s how it went down:
The brawl landed about 450 anxiety away, in larboard centermost field. Sadly, it was a account both about the actuality that Jeff Kent aloof looooved Matt Morris, and additionally about the way Tony La Russa was activity to administer his casting agents that year. You may bethink 2003 as the Summer of the Bad ‘Pen, Allotment I; Isringhausen began the year on the DL, and with no adept afterpiece to angular on, TLR abominably mismanaged both his abode and his starting rotation. The pitchers were awful, and Tony alone fabricated it worse by abrogation guys out there far too long, abashed to accompany in addition else. Complete familiar?
The additional at bat took abode a year and a bisected later, afresh in Minute Maid Park. The date was 18th October, 2004. Bold bristles of the National League Championship Series. The 2004 alternation would go bottomward as the anniversary that Carlos Beltran becoming his contract, but there was one added man on the acreage who did his allotment to try and bones the Cards’ dream season, too: Kent.
The alternation was angry at two amateur apiece, and the Cardinals beatific Woody Williams, the ability himself, out to the bank that night. And, as he seemed to do so abounding times, Woody pitched brilliantly, activity seven innings, giving up alone a distinct hit, and not a run in sight. The alone botheration was that the Houston bullpen that night, a then-unknown adapted outfielder by the name of Brandon Backe, was aloof as good. The Cardinals’ abhorrent juggernaut was silenced by Backe, who accustomed aloof one hit of his own. He larboard afterwards eight innings, giving way to Brad Lidge. Lidge addled out Larry Walker and Albert Pujols in a scoreless ninth inning, and the ‘Stros came to bat in the basal of the frame.
Jason Isringhausen was on the mound, accepting already befuddled a scoreless eighth inning. Carlos Beltran, hitting second, led off the inning. He singled to appropriate field, and the groans began. It’s funny; we now anticipate alone of Izzy actuality alarming in 2006 and afresh aftermost year, but I audibly anamnesis alike aback in ’04 we were all abashed of Izzy’s performance. Too abounding baserunners, aloof didn’t assume to bang abounding guys out, etc.
Jeff Bagwell was up next; Izzy got him to fly out to Jim Edmonds. Lance Berkman — already a alarm in the minds of Cardinal admirers — came up to the plate. Beltran, continuing to affliction the Cards, blanket additional base. Tony beatific up the four fingers, and Berkman trotted bottomward to aboriginal base.
He came to the bat, then; the man we all admired to abhorrence so actual much. Kent, with his shitty little mustache and his wraparound shades. (Alright, so he wasn’t cutting the shades then, back it was a night game. It’s still how I account him! You appetite to address this thing?)
If anything, the attempt Kent hit that night off Isringhausen was alike added majestic than the bomb off Morris the antecedent year: it was high, wide, and handsome off into the night the additional he hit it. Minute Maid went crazy; I knew at that moment the Cardinals were activity to lose that series. Jeff Kent had done it to us again.
Of course, the Cards did administer to win that series, acknowledgment abundantly in allotment to two of the best canicule of baseball I’ve anytime apparent from a amateur back Jimmy Baseball won both amateur six and seven appealing abundant single-handedly, and St. Louis was off to Boston, to be the abatement guy for 86 years of pissed off.
That’s what I’ll bethink about Jeff Kent. He was a son of a bitch. He was arrogant. He was abrasive. He was absolute abominable at times. If you were attractive for a bigger apparatus in the bold of baseball, you had to attending clumsily hard. Jeff Kent is, to me and bags of added admirers out there like me, a complete and absolute bastard.
But candied Jesus, the man could comedy baseball.
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